Greetings...
This is the Secretary at the State Department of the United
States...
We have a problem. The companies want something done about
this sluggish world economic situation...
Profits have been running a little thin lately and we need
to stimulate some growth...
Now we know there's an alarming high number of young people
roaming around in your country with nothing to do but stir
up trouble for the police and damage private property. It
doesn't look like they'll ever get a job...
It's about time we did something constructive with these
people...
We've got thousands of 'em here too. They're crawling all
over...
The companies think it's time we all sit down, have a
serious get-together - and start another war...
The president? He loves the idea! All those missiles
streaming overhead to and fro...
Napalm...
People running down the road, skin on fire...
The Soviets seem up for it...
The Kremlin's been itching for the real thing for years.
Hell, Afghanistan's no fun...
So whadya say?...
We don't even have to win this war. We just want to cut down
on some of this excess population...
Now look. Just start up a draft; draft as many of those
people as you can. We'll call up every last youngster we can
get our hands on, hand 'em some speed, give 'em an hour or
two to learn how to use an automatic riffle and send 'em on
their way...
Libya? El Salvador? How 'bout Northern Ireland? Or a
'moderately repressive regime' in South America? We'll just
cook up a good Soviet threat story in the Middle East - we
need that oil...
We had Libya all ready to go and Colonel Khadafy's hit squad
didn't even show up. I tell ya... that man is unreliable.
The Kremlin had their fingers on the button just like we did
for that one...
Now just think for a minute - we can make this war so big -
so BIG...
The more people we kill in this war, the more the economy
will prosper...
We can get rid of practically everybody on your dole queues
if we plan this right. Take every loafer on welfare right
off our computer rolls...
Now don't worry about those demonstrators - just pump up
your drug supply. So many people have hooked themselves on
heroin and amphetamines since we took over, it's just like
Vietnam. We had everybody so busy with LSD they never got
too strong. Kept the war functioning just fine...
It's easy. We've got our college kids so interested in beer
they don't even care if we start manufacturing germ bombs
again. Put a nuclear stockpile in their back yard, they
wouldn't even know what it looked like...
So how 'bout it? Look - war is money. The arms manufacturers
tell me unless we get our bomb factories up to full
production the whole economy is going to collapse...
The Soviets are in the same boat. We all agree the time has
come for the big one, so whadya say?!?...
That's excellent. We knew you'd agree... the companies will
be very pleased
