What will I find?
Some sacred thing to help me handle the tragedy?
Or did I once–Did I have it and lose it?
No one should ever have to walk through the fire alone.
No one
Should ever have to brave that storm. No,
Everybody needs someone or
Something.
And when I sing, don't I sing your name out
Right at the same time
That I sing my own?
Some days I swear I can feel you splitting the light through the window
Frame.
The shapes it makes are always warmer, always brighter than
The rest of what comes through.
Some days I swear I can hear you sing to me or whisper my name in the
Slightest way.
It's like the warmest light now laid across my
Bedroom floor is somehow actually you and
Not just sunlight.
I have the memory climb down the balcony.
I put a flower on the back
Of it's dress.
It's probably best to forget it.
It's probably
Best to let go.
I paint it the shade of where the skin and the lip
Meet,
Only a moment after breaking the kiss. And
I blur out
Everything else.
That's how I choose to remember it.
Some nights are a lot like the days, I lay awake too late, I watch the
Shadows casted
Trace your shape. Those silver slivers on the wall
Then on the bed sheets.
I hear your song in the trees. I finally
Fall into rest.
Often later when I'm sleeping you show up in my
Dreams.
Just doing simple things like buying groceries.
And
When I wake up I could swear you must've just left me
Like you got up
To make breakfast or maybe just to get dressed.
But the truth is, you were never there. You won't ever be.
Sometimes
I think I'm not either so what do I do
When every day still seems to
Start and end with you?
And you won't ever know, you won't ever see,
How much your ghost since then has been defining me.
I leave the memory up atop the balcony.
I tear this flower from the
Back of the dress.
It's best this time, I bet, to just forget and
Let go.
Paint it the shade of where the lip bleeds and blur it out.
I blur out everything else, just blur out everything else.
And let go, and let go, and let go.
Everybody has to let go someday
Everybody has to let go.
I wonder when I will. I wonder.
But if I still hear you singing in every city I meet
After I blur it
All out, our every memory, if
You never fade with the days, your
Shape still haunting me then,
Should I not just sing along?
Should I not just sing along?
I will sing sweetly hope that the notes change but
I do not need it
To happen. I'm not resigned to it. And
If they never do I'll sing
Your name in every line.
Just like I did throughout this. Just like
I've always done.
In every gun, the empty church, and every tortured
Son.
In all those giving up. In all those giving in.
Until I
Die I will sing our names in unison.
Until I die I will sing our names in unison.
